Our speaker was Margaret Chipperfield and she was accompanied by Chris and Larry.
Marg has been a teacher, social worker, child protection officer, foster carer and marriage celebrant. She now co-facilitates a group for men who have been violent and has published the book No Butts.
Marg introduced Chris and Larry who have been part of the group and who have changed their previous abusive behaviours.
Marg reflected on being in an abusive relationship and the impact on her.
The group as it developed became a mutual support group, the men spoke about their shame and agreed to have their stories in the No Butts book.
Chris then spoke about his journey which involved, although he did not appreciate it at the time, controlling behaviours.
He referenced that the group spoke about feelings – something that wasn’t a regular thing that they would have previously discussed, and that men can benefit from joining such a group.
He referred to his childhood which involved a violent household and the bearing this may have had on his own behaviour although he noted this was not being mentioned as an excuse for his behaviour.
Larry then spoke about his journey. His behaviour was very controlling and his family has had significant trauma.
He is from a European background where the children were raised under the “do what I say or else” rule.. Larry believed things were OK but the group made him realise that things were not OK and he was on edge and angry. He realised through the group what he was actually doing and what was not helpful for his family.
He likes that the program creates a williness to learn about your past and how to be better and the need to learn about the long term consequences of you actions.
Marg then summarised the make-up of the group, where some had alcohol issues, some drug users and some have mental disorders. She indicted that:
- Better understanding of family violence trigger points would help many relationships.
- Building on strengths can help those in the group and wisdom of lived experiences draws out group members.
- Finally, Marg indicated we all need to acknowledge that men can change.
The trio fielded many questions and the audience showed their generous appreciation to Marg, Chris and Larry for coming forward to discuss this most serious subject.
Our speaker was Margaret Chipperfield and she was accompanied by Chris and Larry.
Marg has been a teacher, social worker, child protection officer, foster carer and marriage celebrant. She now co-facilitates a group for men who have been violent and has published the book No Butts.
Marg introduced Chris and Larry who have been part of the group and who have changed their previous abusive behaviours.
Marg reflected on being in an abusive relationship and the impact on her.
The group as it developed became a mutual support group, the men spoke about their shame and agreed to have their stories in the No Butts book.
Chris then spoke about his journey which involved, although he did not appreciate it at the time, controlling behaviours.
He referenced that the group spoke about feelings – something that wasn’t a regular thing that they would have previously discussed, and that men can benefit from joining such a group.
He referred to his childhood which involved a violent household and the bearing this may have had on his own behaviour although he noted this was not being mentioned as an excuse for his behaviour.
Larry then spoke about his journey. His behaviour was very controlling and his family has had significant trauma.
He is from a European background where the children were raised under the “do what I say or else” rule.. Larry believed things were OK but the group made him realise that things were not OK and he was on edge and angry. He realised through the group what he was actually doing and what was not helpful for his family.
He likes that the program creates a williness to learn about your past and how to be better and the need to learn about the long term consequences of you actions.
Marg then summarised the make-up of the group, where some had alcohol issues, some drug users and some have mental disorders. She indicted that:
- Better understanding of family violence trigger points would help many relationships.
- Building on strengths can help those in the group and wisdom of lived experiences draws out group members.
- Finally, Marg indicated we all need to acknowledge that men can change.
The trio fielded many questions and the audience showed their generous appreciation to Marg, Chris and Larry for coming forward to discuss this most serious subject.
Here is the image of Marg's book No Buts
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